I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
