please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
