clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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