I hate all girls vehemently.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
sarcasm needs its own font
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
