i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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