No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
