you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
