im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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