to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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