There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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