I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
