Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize