tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
