So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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