oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
