hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
