I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
