We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
