the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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