dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize