Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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