Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
