That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
