I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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