You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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