..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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