i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
