Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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