i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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