life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
