big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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