I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
