So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
