yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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