Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
