brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
