She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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