i just google imaged poop.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
