Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
