i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He shit in the fireplace
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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