This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
