cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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