READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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