We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
this will be a night to untag.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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