i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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