Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
