So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
