idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
