I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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