Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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