Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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