HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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