remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
