I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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