boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
