Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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