i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize