I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
handjob tips. give me some.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize