***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
