I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
