My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
