Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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