there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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