i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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