You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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