You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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