I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize