3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
