K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
